Wednesday, January 26, 2011

How to Fart Quietly!

When you pass gas, it can be an embarrassing thing if you don't know how to do it discreetly. Although you may not be able to escape the foul smell that can emanate from the gas you pass, you can still master the art of passing gas silently, thus enabling you to possibly place the blame for the smell on somebody else. This article will give you some tips on how to save yourself some embarrassment by learning how to pass gas quietly in public.


Things You'll Need:

  • Courage
  • Shamelessness
  • A little finesse
  • And a Quick Finger to Point the Other Direction

  1. 1
    First, you will have to perform what's known as the "test poot". The test poot will give you somewhat of an indication as to the severity of the actual poot, if you were to let it all come out at one time. The way to do this is to very gently "eek" out only a small portion of the entire flatulence. Do your best to refrain from letting it all out in one fell swoop.
  2. 2
    Very nonchalantly, sniff the air to make sure that you have not released an extremely foul odor. If you have, move quickly away. Find some excuse to get in motion, and if anyone else is standing around, encourage them to come along as well. You want to leave the "scene of the crime" as soon as possible.
  3. 3
    If the odor is very faint or even non-existent, you are ready to release the entire poot. This is where you must learn the art of misdirection. Find some way to distract the people around you. Ask someone a question. Fake like you have a sudden pain in your back or neck. Do something to draw the attention away from the actual act of passing gas. This will help you to relax as well.
  4. 4
    As you are strategically distracting the people around you, don't force any wind out of your body. Let it come out at its own speed. Most of the time we get caught passing gas because we are quietly trying to force it out, but it ends up backfiring on us (no pun intended) due to our impatience. Remember: Easy does it.

    And if all these things don't work, and you fart and try to cover it with clearing your throat or a loud cough, and you get caught....fess up and smile. So the next time you need to let one go, let it go!

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